The significance of symbolism

Diwali just went by....again..

Growing up I remember sadly the waning enthusiasm for the festival of lights. As a kid 4 pairs of new clothes, the lanterns and lamps all over the house, baskets full of firecrakers, days and days of sweet making [faral at my house was strictly of the sweet kind!], all the gifts and visiting relatives was all too much to handle. It made me dizzy with excitement!
As I grew older, the disinterest started creeping in at first and then gushed in leaps and bounds untill all the joy of Diwali was drained out. Unconsciously but nevertheless there was no novelty left in anything. And the trend continued even after the 'adolescent phase' passed by. Increasingly some things kept ringing in the mind:
1] why the hell do we hang the same lantern every year?
2] we buy new clothes any time now, wats the big deal about buying stuff on diwali?
3] what a pain filling the lamps with oil!
4] do i really have to get up 5am to draw rangoli? really? the bloody kids are going to run over and ruin it in less than 2 hrs anyways!!
5] wats with the firecrakers man? they just so much noise!
6] why all these sweets? it just means more work and late nights...aaarg!

The apathy grew and never stopped.
For 8 years I was out of the country and missed Diwali at home. I mourned and moaned about it I admit. It was always the endless "poor us" discussions on Diwali nights with other Indian friends. Fianlly, got to go home last year for Diwali.All I felt while home was annoyance at the LOUD fireworks!! I counted myself as 'out of the fun game' forever.

Then, there was Diwali this year.
Started the same....as a thought...a date on the calender.
Then the day before Lakshmi Poojan, I dont why but I began cleaning the house. The husband got in the groove and hung the lantern that we got from home 2 years ago. He put up some decorative lights. I made ONE cup of rava laddoos. Barely 6. Then we made Chivda. We had bought the ingredients but I wasnt really feeling it untill that evening. The morning of Diwali we had ourselves the tradional eatables with our own made faral for the first time [1st time since both of us have left home]. Then in the evening, the lantern and lights, new clothes [had some with me since last year!], lit up some lamps and placed them outside on the patio [no oil, proxied with tea lights!] and printed instructions and did Laxshmi Pooja.
And...it felt like Diwali!! Cannot remember the last time I felt it. All the things I had counted as useless symbols of the festival of lights suddenly came together and lit up not just my home but me too. The new clothes, the lamps and lantern, the pooja and the sweets were still symbols but this time they actually translated into something. They brought home what they symblolised! We got our share of visiting and firecrakers too. Had a Diwali get together with friends and not only had a feast with tradional foods but also handled some fireworks! Couldnt get sweeter!
The epiphany? Somewhere I got lost amongst the token symbols and took my eyes off what they represented. I had begun to look at the symbols the lights, the food, the traditions as the festival itself. I had forgotten that it was what the symbols represented was Diwali.
And I am so happy this came home to me this year!!