Rrrright, so this is my conundrum from the day I walked out of my door to cross foreign waters...."where am I from?"
nah nah...this is not that deeeep an existential a question. It is the regular "where r you from?" that everyone encounters countless times in life irrespective of where they might encounter it.
My struggle with this particular question was born when my city went from being officially Bombay to Mumbai. Mind you, the name itself did not jarr my sense of belonging to the city at all because over the years, Ive used both the names interchangeably. All my relatives outside the city called us as 'coming from Mumbai', from far back then I can remember! And I never questioned why there were two names. It just never crossed my mind!
Suddenly I found myself in front of gora's and firangi's who wanted to know where I was from. And just as suddenly the answer wasnt simple anymore. The problem was of being viewed according to the answer I gave. You see, a 'Bombay' evoked a very different response from a 'Mumbai'. Further complications in perception came when I faced a poser, who 'knew' India or worse the city itself. To begin with, a 'Bombay' somehow gave an impression that I was of a modern or liberal thinking kind. A 'Mumbai' came off as a right of center kind. This was on simple days.
On days when I woke up on the wrong side of the bed, 'Mumbai' elicited a "aah! so, one of those right wingers, eh? indigenious pride and bombay came from foreigners and all that, is it?" kind of a look in response. Equally likely, a 'Bombay' educed a "really? one of those stiff upper lip/upturned noses/hham ko hhindee nahyee samachta kind" look. Add a element of familiarity with India or the city to this latter equation and the response was a quick "from Mumbai! lovely" smack in the face!! It got a lot , and I mean a lot, worse when the response to 'Bombay' was a "mai mumbai may doh tin saal rahha tah" ....man! those were the ones which made you red in the face....I felt like the outsider!!
What do you do when you are one of those perpetual getting up on the wrong side of the bed kind then? Who think as hard as they may and be as careful as they can but will always say the wrong thing? Who make wincing part of their daily existence?
I go about life trying to understand all that comes my way and for a good measure..all that doesnt too! This blog is about some things that float around [read mull] in my head...and I say some because 'all' isnt possible and maybe not advisable too :)
Friday, February 27, 2009
Sunday, February 8, 2009
How can I let it all go?
I ve been, for the past couple of weeks, recreating my resume, my marketing postion. Its the periodic resurrection we humans take upon ourselves.
I use the word generate instead of revive my "dossier-at-a-glance" because this time I am cutting myself from the ties and the world of a student life and breaking [hardly] into the realm of the working class, the first step into the bourgeois life. Surprisingly, and somehow embarassingly I never realised this metamorphosis will involve more than stringing some words together- nicely! A Lot More!!
With the formal education era safely [more surely] behind me, and a fistful of solid [read relavant for once!] work experience under my belt, it was time to sell my self differently! After all the research on "what your resume should say about you, and how" I fianlly got down to writing it and with excruciating pain at that.
It struck me forcefully that having come as far as I have this new resume will involve cutting off more than a hefty chunk of the earlier contents. And this content that I refer to mean actuall achievements of mine over the years. e.g. to score highest marks in economics in the entire class and get formal recognition for it was an achievement for me. Just because it happened in the first, and concurrent years too, of my bachelors doesn't make it any less precious for me. B-u-t since this occured in the final few years of the last millennia [well, put that way!!] I have to now cut it off??
There are a lot of such things to be left behind now that I must look to the future. But I am perturbed by it all. I cannot forget -easily- the journey through the various degrees and the various things I indulged in [i mean academically, although yes, there were a few indulgences of the not-to-mention kind too]. Each award/certificate/medal ...things that made me proud when I looked at my so called student resume, sentences on paper that filled my heart with warmth and pride....all meant and mean so much to me even now. All those had come my way as a result of sincere and consistent effort. They were not fluke or easy [I am not the born to achieve types, hard work was always my magic lamp]. To think that all of that doesnt matter any more, that it 'has no place' anymore fills me with disquiet.
If the past doesn't matter after a while, then why put much efforts in the present for that will turn itself to past soon, will it not?
I use the word generate instead of revive my "dossier-at-a-glance" because this time I am cutting myself from the ties and the world of a student life and breaking [hardly] into the realm of the working class, the first step into the bourgeois life. Surprisingly, and somehow embarassingly I never realised this metamorphosis will involve more than stringing some words together- nicely! A Lot More!!
With the formal education era safely [more surely] behind me, and a fistful of solid [read relavant for once!] work experience under my belt, it was time to sell my self differently! After all the research on "what your resume should say about you, and how" I fianlly got down to writing it and with excruciating pain at that.
It struck me forcefully that having come as far as I have this new resume will involve cutting off more than a hefty chunk of the earlier contents. And this content that I refer to mean actuall achievements of mine over the years. e.g. to score highest marks in economics in the entire class and get formal recognition for it was an achievement for me. Just because it happened in the first, and concurrent years too, of my bachelors doesn't make it any less precious for me. B-u-t since this occured in the final few years of the last millennia [well, put that way!!] I have to now cut it off??
There are a lot of such things to be left behind now that I must look to the future. But I am perturbed by it all. I cannot forget -easily- the journey through the various degrees and the various things I indulged in [i mean academically, although yes, there were a few indulgences of the not-to-mention kind too]. Each award/certificate/medal ...things that made me proud when I looked at my so called student resume, sentences on paper that filled my heart with warmth and pride....all meant and mean so much to me even now. All those had come my way as a result of sincere and consistent effort. They were not fluke or easy [I am not the born to achieve types, hard work was always my magic lamp]. To think that all of that doesnt matter any more, that it 'has no place' anymore fills me with disquiet.
If the past doesn't matter after a while, then why put much efforts in the present for that will turn itself to past soon, will it not?
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